Saturday, May 7, 2011


There's a light at the end of the darkness, and they walk towards it hand in hand.

Everything is as it should be.

Last Goodbyes

Stella's funeral was today. Her roomie Harry, Chester, and myself were the only attendees. Stella had no family and very few friends. I can't...I don't understand. They don't even know how she died. They say there were bullet wound, but no bullets. No record of anyone named "Stella MacKenzie" of her approximate age ever being born or existing AT ALL,  ANYWHERE in New Zealand.

I don't...I don't even know anymore. There's something missing, I know there is, a missing puzzle piece that will make all of this make sense, but I get this horrible feeling that I can't know. I can't find out. Stella was like a sister to me, and I know there's more to this than it seems but I'll never know, because I get this feeling that if I find out I'll get myself into something that there's no way of getting out of.

I'm sorry. I can't post here anymore. It was okay when it was just me and Chester being goofy and rambling but I can't do that any more and neither can he.

There's a part of us missing that seems like more than just Stella. It seems big enough for two people, three people, four, like there are others who have gone and I just don't remember them.

I'm sorry. These are our last goodbyes. It was lovely knowing you all, and I wish you all luck in whatever you do. But it's the final curtain for us.

No matter what, I am glad to have known you all, even for such a short time.

Don't forget. I love you all.

--Genevieve Sullivan.

Thursday, May 5, 2011


is dead. We got a call this afternoon, saying "Are you friends of Stella MacKenzie?" and naturally we said yes, and it turns out to be the police saying she was found dead in her apartment by her neighbour this morning. Oh god, I just...I can't process it. Sparky, sassy, belligerent Stella. Our friend. Dead.

It's like the stars have gone out or something. Something that's always there, even if you don't notice it, and now it's gone and all you can see and feel is it's absence.

And there's one thing that bothers me. The police called us because they couldn't track down any of Stella's relatives. They couldn't find any dental or hospital records for her either. It's as if she never existed.

We're going to the funeral tomorrow. Apart from one of her room-mates when she was up in Auckland, Harry, we're the only people attending.

How could this happen? How could she have so few friends, no family, barely any trace of her existence beyond a few scraps of paper and our memories?

I can't even cry anymore. There's no tears left. It isn't enough.

Stella, I hope there's a heaven, because you deserve a place in it.


Wednesday, May 4, 2011


There are fallen leaves everywhere. Not the good kind, either. They're wet and soggy and stuck to the ground and the ones that aren't are just blown this way and that.

I'd hate to be a leaf in the wind. I want to know where I'm headed, to be able to make the choice and not just be at the whim of something more powerful. I can't believe in fate, I guess.

Screw Destiny.


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

When all you see is night

You have to hold the hope in your heart that there will be a dawn.

I've had that phrase circling through my head for ages. Don't know where it came from but it just wouldn't leave me alone.